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Angelica Breaks a Leg Gallery Transcript

[The episode begins with a close-up of the mail slot of the front door of Tommy's house. Angelica lifts up the mail slot and looks through it.]

Charlotte (heard offscreen): "Like I've always said, 'A bigelow on the floor writes a name on the door', or something like that. Well, It's really not your place to question me on that sort of thing, is it? I think you know exactly what I mean."

[On the other side of the front door, Tommy looks through the mail slot as Angelica closes it. Stu then picks him up, and Didi walks up to the front door and opens it, revealing Drew, Charlotte, and Angelica on the other side. Angelica is carrying a pink suitcase as she runs inside.]

Didi: "Hi! Come on in!"
Drew: "Oh, can't stay, Deed! We just have to drop off Angelica and run!"

[Angelica walks up to Drew, who kisses her on the forehead.]

Drew: "Bye, sweetie!"
Angelica: "Bye, Daddy!"
Didi: "Don't worry, Drew, we'll take good care of Angelica while you're away on your rafting trip."
Stu: "I still don't get why they call it 'Power Rafting'."
Drew: "Well, beats me, but Charlotte says it's great for networking! Now, are you sure you'll be all right, princess?"
Angelica: "Yes, Daddy, I'll be fine!"

[Drew lowers his head down to Angelica.]

Drew: "You know we'll be gone a whole week!"
Angelica: "The sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back with lots of presents for me!"
Charlotte: "What? They called our offer a joke? All right, then, you tell them if they can't take a joke, they can..."

[Before Charlotte can finish, she looks down at a smiling Angelica, realizing she can't say anything inappropriate in front of her.]

Charlotte: "Hold on, Jonathan."

[Charlotte lowers her head down to Angelica.]

Charlotte: "Ciao, sweetie, kiss!"

[Angelica kisses Charlotte on the cheek.]

Angelica: "Bye, Mommy!"

[Angelica waves goodbye to Drew and Charlotte, who walk towards their car.]

Charlotte: "Hurry, Drew! I'm getting a fax!"

[Inside Drew and Charlotte's car, Charlotte's ACME-AUTO FAX machine prints out a fax. Inside Tommy's house, Stu and Didi wave goodbye to Drew and Charlotte.]

Didi: "Have a good time! Bye-bye!"
Stu: "Hey, have a great time! Bye!"

[Drew and Charlotte drive their car away. Didi then closes the front door. Stu sets Tommy down as Angelica tugs on his shirt.]

Angelica: "Uncle Stu, I want to go to the zoo!"
Stu: "I'm sorry, Angelica, I got a lot of work to do today. Maybe on Saturday."

[Stu walks away. As Didi pulls a blue tarp out of the closet, Angelica pulls on her dress.]

Angelica: "Aunt Didi, Uncle Stu won't take me to the zoo! Will you take me?"
Didi: "Oh, I can't today, sweetie."

[Didi walks away.]

Angelica: "But I'm the guest!"

[Angelica sighs unhappily, then walks up to Lou's bedroom, where Lou is tying a fishing lure onto his fishing pole.]

Angelica: "Hey, Grandpa, what do you say me and you get out of here and go do something?"
Lou: "Well, my calendar's pretty full. I gotta watch the Fishing with Stan and Orville show at five. Say, do you want to watch it with me?"
Angelica: "Uh, I think I'm kinda busy."
Lou: "You don't know what you're missin'!"

[As Angelica walks out of Lou's bedroom, Lou casts his fishing pole.]

Angelica: "I never want to get old!"

[Angelica walks down the stairs to the basement, where Stu is building the Hippo-copter, a toy of a ballet-dancing hippo with a propeller on top. Stu gasps when he sees her.]

Angelica: "Look, Uncle Stu, it's me, Angelica, the famous ballerina dancer!"
Stu: "Not right now, Angelica! I gotta finish this hippo-copter!"

[Stu gets back to work, and Angelica frowns. In the kitchen, Didi is now dressed in her cleaning outfit as she scrubs the table with some sandpaper. Angelica then walks in.]

Angelica: "Hiya, Aunt Didi! How'd you like to hear some pressions?"
Didi: "Um, I'm-I'm kind of busy, sweetheart."
Angelica: "First, Popeye the Sailor! 'I am what I am and that's all that I am!' Thank you, thank you very much!"
Didi: "Angelica, I..."
Angelica: "For my next pression, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenagger. 'Hasta la vista, baby!'"
Didi: "Not right now, sweetie. I'm working!"

[Didi continues scrubbing the table, and Angelica walks away, frowning. In the living room, Tommy is sitting on a blanket, watching television, until Angelica walks in.]

Angelica: "Hi, Tommy! Wanna play something?"
Tommy: "Actually, I'm kinda tired. I think I'm gonna take a nap."
Angelica: "A nap? What are you gonna take a nap for? Nobody's making you!"
Tommy: "I always take a nap after I watch Captain Blasto. I just get tired and... fall asleep."

[Tommy lays down and prepares to fall asleep.]

Angelica: "No, Tommy!" (as she pulls on Tommy's shirt) "Tommy, Tommy, speak to me, Tommy! He's gone!"

[Lou is now standing in the doorway, holding his fishing pole and his fishing hat.]

Lou: "Twenty minutes to Fishing With Stan and Orville!" (As he puts his fishing hat on) "Sure you don't want to join me?"
Angelica: "Yeah, right! I'm really gonna watch a fishing show!"

[In the next scene, a man in a fishing boat is seen fishing, and Angelica watches unhappily, as now Tommy and Lou are both asleep.]

Man on TV: "Looks like Jim's using a 5-pound test line now!"
Angelica (as she picks up a bowl of popcorn near Lou's chair): "Guess the excitement was too much for him."
Man on TV: "With a 53873 dash bay lure!"

(Angelica eats some of the popcorn from the bowl. She then takes the remote from Lou and channel surfs with it.)

Angelica: "Boy! What a yucky day! Nobody wants to do anything! Nobody pays any attention to me! I'm the guest, they're supposed to do what I want to do!"
TV Actress (heard on the TV): "And after you bring the bouillabaisse, you can fluff my pillows!"

[On the TV, a movie with a Lady with a broken leg in bed is shown, with a man by her side.]

TV Actor: "Anything for you, my darling! I'll wait on you night and day! I'll cater to your every whim, until that leg of yours is entirely healed!"
Angelica: "Look at that! Just cause' she's got a broken leg, he's doing everything she tells him to d... Say! That's not a bad idea!"

[In the kitchen, Didi is now painting the table, and Stu walks in, carrying his half-finished Hippo-copter.]

Stu: "I just can't get this Hippo-copter to fly!"
Didi: "Stu, if Hippos were meant to fly, they wouldn't weigh 3,000 pounds!"
Angelica (heard offscreen): "Ow!"

[Stu and Didi turn their attention to Angelica, who walks down the stairs as a bowling ball rolls down them in front of her.]

Angelica: "Ow! Ow!"

[The bowling ball reaches the bottom of the stairs and hits a pot with a plant in it, shattering the pot to pieces. Angelica reaches the bottom of the stairs and pretends to have broken her leg. Stu and Didi run in when they hear her.]

Angelica: "Oh! Oh!"
Stu: "Angelica, what happened?"
Angelica: "Oh, my leg! I think it's broke!"

[Didi gasps, and Angelica grunts. In the next scene, which takes place at a hospital, Stu and Didi are sitting on a bench in the waiting room as Dr. Hoagie Dooser walks up to the receptionist, who points at them. He then walks up to them.]

Dr. Dooser: "Mr. and Mrs. Peaches?"
Didi (as she and Stu stand up): "Uh, I-it's 'Pickles."
Dr. Dooser: "Ah, yes, of course. I'm Dr. Hoagie Dooser."
Stu: "Is Angelica gonna be all right?"
Dr. Dooser (as he points at the X-ray room): "She's in X-ray right now. We'll know in a few minutes."

(In the X-ray room, Angelica, who is now dressed in a white gown, is strapped to a table that lifts up vertically. Bob is standing next to the X-Ray machine, and he waves at her.]

Bob: "Hi, I'm Bob! I'll be your X-ray technician!"
Angelica: "What are you gonna do?"
Bob: "I'm gonna take pictures of your insides. Say 'Cheese'!"

[Bob laughs as he turns on the X-ray machine, which takes pictures of Angelica's insides. The table then rotates Angelica a few times.]

Bob (heard offscreen): "It's kinda strange at first, but after a while, you get to like it!"

[Bob's X-ray machine takes one last picture. In the next scene, Dr. Dooser looks through a bunch of folders. The first one says, ANITA PEEPERS, D.O.A., SEND TO PATHOLOGY M.D.. The second says, ANGELICA PICKLES, and the third says, ANTONIO PEACHES.]

Dr. Dooser: "Peaches, Peaches, ah, here it is!"

[Dr. Dooser pulls a picture of Antonio Peaches' broken leg from his folder.]

Dr. Dooser: It appears that Angelica has sustained a massive fracture of the left fibula."

[Stu, Didi, and Angelica, the third of whom is in a wheelchair, are sitting on the other side of Dr. Dooser's desk.]

Angelica: "I did?"

[Stu and Didi look over at Angelica.]

Angelica: "Oh, yeah!" (as she rubs her leg) "Ow!"
Dr. Dooser: "I recommend we put her in a leg cast."
Didi: "Doctor, are you sure? Maybe we should get a second opinion!"
Dr. Dooser: I may be young, Ma'am, but I know a broken leg when I see one! I'm a highly-trained professional!"

[The Receptionist walks in, carrying Dr. Dooser's chocolate milk on a plate.]

Receptionist: "Here's your chocolate milk, Doctor."
Dr. Dooser: "Thank you."

[Dr. Dooser drinks his chocolate milk. Stu and Didi look at each other, then the next scene shows a view outside Tommy's house. Angelica, who now has her leg in a cast, is now in Stu and Didi's bedroom, with her, Didi, and Tommy all sitting on the bed. A line with a buzzer has also been installed]

Didi: "Dr. Dooser said we should keep you in bed and do all we can to help keep you comfortable while your leg heals."

[Stu walks in and pulls the line with the buzzer down to Angelica.]

Stu: "I rigged up this call buzzer for you, sweetheart! Now, if there's anything you need, all you have to do is push this button!"

[Stu pushes the button, and the buzzer buzzes. He then hands it to Angelica.]

Stu: "We can hear the buzzer anywhere in the house, and we'll come right away!"

[Stu pats Angelica's head, and Didi walks up to Angelica.]

Didi: "Are you in any pain, dear?"
Angelica: "A little."
Stu: "What a trooper!"

[As Stu and Didi walk away, Tommy looks over at Angelica.]

Angelica: "What are you lookin' at, peanut head?
Tommy: "Is your leg really broke, Angelica?"
Angelica: "No!"
Tommy: "Then why'd they put it in a cast?"
Angelica: "How do I know? Go figure grown ups! Alls I know is, I got this!"

[Tommy points at the buzzer.]

Tommy: What does that do?"
Angelica: "Watch!"

[Angelica presses the buzzer, and Didi runs in.]

Didi: "Yes, Angelica?"
Angelica: "Aunt Didi, you can take the baby away now. I'm tired of playing with it."
Didi (as she walks up to Tommy): All right, sweetheart. Tommy, It's past your bedtime anyway."

[Didi picks Tommy up and walks away, carrying him.]

Angelica: "Heh heh heh! This is gonna be great!"

[The next morning, a view outside Tommy's house is shown as a caption that says, DAY 1 -- 6:28 A.M. appears over it. Angelica presses the buzzer, and a flock of birds screech as they fly over Tommy's house. Didi, who is in her robe, walks into the bedroom.]

Angelica: "Morning, Aunt Didi! Could you please get me a cold drink?"
Didi: "Of course, dear! I'll be right back!"

[Didi walks away, then returns, carrying a glass filled with soda and ice. She hands it to Angelica.]

Didi: "There you are, Angelica!"
Angelica: "Thank you, Aunt Didi!"

[Didi walks away, and Angelica drinks the soda. She then presses the buzzer before Didi can walk out the door.]

Angelica: "Aunt Didi, I wanted a cold drink!"
Didi (as she turns to face Angelica): "Uh, that is a cold drink!"
Angelica: "It isn't really cold!"

[Didi sighs, then walks up to Angelica. She takes the glass away from her, then walks away.]

Angelica: "Thank you, Aunt Didi."

[Angelica presses the buzzer, and Stu runs up the stairs and into the bedroom.]

Stu: "Yes, Angelica?"
Angelica: "Uncle Stu, I want to watch TV!"
Stu: "Ah, but Angelica, the only television in the house is the big 27-inch console downstairs!"
Angelica: "I know!"

[Stu grunts as he pushes the television up the stairs. In the laundry room, Didi, who is now in her normal attire, is taking the wet laundry out of the washing machine, until she hears the buzzer. She runs up to the bedroom.]

Angelica: "Aunt Didi, would you fluff my pillows?"

[In the basement, Stu is building his Hippo-copter, until he hears the buzzer. When he hears it, he drops his Hippo-copter, and it breaks into pieces. He then runs up to the bedroom.]

Angelica: "Uncle Stu, would you open my window? I'd do it myself, but, my leg's broke."

[Stu frowns angrily, then walks up to the window. He opens it, and Angelica presses the buzzer. Didi then runs into the bedroom.]

Didi: "What is it, Angelica?"
Angelica: "I need a tissue!"

[The camera moves over to a box of tissues that says, EXHALE TISSUE. Angelica then presses the buzzer again, and Stu runs in.]

Angelica: "It's a little cold in here! Could you shut my window?"

[Stu walks up to the window and closes it. Angelica then presses the buzzer again. Stu walks back in.]

Stu (wearily): "What is it, Angelica?"
Angelica: "Mmm... I can't remember."

[Stu frowns angrily. He walks away, and Angelica tosses the buzzer and catches it. She then presses it again, and Stu runs back in, panting heavily.]

Angelica: "I remember now, Uncle Stu! It's getting kinda stuffy in here again. Could you open my window?"

[Stu grits angrily, then walks up to the window and opens it. Angelica presses the buzzer just as he walks away]

Angelica: "Um, that's a little too open."

[Stu walks back up to the window and lowers it gently.]

Angelica: "There. That's better. Thank you, Uncle Stu! You're the bestest uncle there is!"

[Stu walks away. A view outside Tommy's house is now shown as a caption that says, DAY 2 -- 7:02 A.M. appears over it. In the kitchen, Stu and Didi are in their robes, and Didi is holding her cell phone.]

Stu: "She's startin' to get to me, Deed. We've been waiting on her hand and foot for two days straight! I'm gonna go up there and disconnect that buzzer!"

[Stu gets out of his chair, but before he can walk away, Didi stops him.]

Didi: "No, Stu, you can't!"
Stu: "Sure I can! One little snip and..."
Didi: "I'm exhausted, too, but you remember what Dr. Doozer said! She needs our care!"

[Stu sighs unhappily and sits back down.]

Stu: "Yeah, I guess you're right."
Didi: "I've been trying to reach Charlotte, but her cellular phone is always busy!"

[In the next scene, Charlotte and the other executives are riding a raft over the river while Charlotte is on her cell phone with Jonathan.]

Charlotte: "Call that a counter-offer? I call it... Hold on, Jonathan, we're coming to a rapid."

[Charlotte's raft goes over a waterfall. Back in Tommy's house, before Stu can drink his tea, Angelica presses the buzzer.]

Stu: "Your turn."

[Didi walks out of the kitchen as Angelica presses the buzzer again. She then walks into the bedroom.]

Angelica: "Aunt Didi, tell me a story."
Didi: "How about The Three Little Pigs?"
Angelica: "No."
Didi: "Okay. How about The Little Engine that Could?"
Angelica: "No."
Didi: "Hansel and Gretel?"
Angelica: "No. Tell me a story about... an angel."

[Didi walks up to Angelica and sits on the bed.]

Didi: "I don't think I know any stories about angels, honey."
Angelica: "Then make one up."
Didi: "I'm not very good at making up stories."
Angelica: "Oh! Oh! My fibula!"
Didi: "Once upon a time, there was an angel."
Angelica: "And what was the angel's name?"
Didi: "Um, Beth?"
Angelica: "No."
Didi: "Heidi?"
Angelica: "No."
Didi: "Angelica?"
Angelica: "That's right, Aunt Didi. Go on."

[The next night, Didi is asleep in bed when Stu walks up to her.]

Stu: "I don't know how much more of this I can take, Didi! Boy, am I beat!"

[Stu gets in bed and turns out the light, when Angelica presses the buzzer. Stu then walks into the bedroom.]

Angelica: "Uncle Stu, I want some chocolate pudding."
Stu: "It's 3:00 in the morning, I'm tired, and we don't have any chocolate pudding."
Angelica: "Oh! Oh! The pain!"
Stu: "Angelica, we don't have any chocolate pudding!"
Angelica: "There must be a store open somewhere."
Stu: "Angelica, I'm not going out at three in the morning to buy you chocolate pudding, and that's final!"

[In the next scene, Stu is outside a market that says, NITE OWL MARKET, OPEN 24 HRS. He walks up to the cash register, where the cashier is reading a newspaper.]

Stu: "Where's the chocolate pudding?"
Cashier: "We're out of the ready-made stuff, but we got puddin' mix!"

[The cashier pulls out a box of DUFFY'S PUDDING MIX. In the next scene, Stu is in the kitchen, stirring the pudding mix in a pot on the stove as Didi walks in.]

Didi: "Stu, what are you doing?"
Stu: "Making chocolate pudding."
Didi (as she looks at her watch): "It's 4:00 in the morning! Why on Earth are you making chocolate pudding?"
Stu: "Because I've lost control of my life."

[In the bedroom, Angelica is watching a war movie on TV and laughs. Stu brings her her chocolate pudding.]

Stu: "Here's your pudding, Angelica."
Angelica: "Oh, that's okay, Uncle Stu, I'm not hungry anymore."

[The camera moves over to Stu, who frowns, then it cuts to a view outside Tommy's house as Stu screams very shrilly. The next morning, a caption that says, DAY 4 -- 8:13 A.M. appears over it. In the kitchen, Stu is holding a cup of coffee, and Didi is holding a newspaper. They are both shivering and twitching.]

Stu: "If I hear that buzzer one more time, I'm liable to crack!"

[The telephone rings.]

Stu: "Aaaah!"
Didi: "Stu, it's all right! It's just the telephone!"
Stu: "Telephone! Of course!"

[Stu laughs hysterically.]

Stu: "The telephone!"

[Didi answers her cell phone.]

Didi: "Hello? Yes, doctor!"

[Dr. Dooser is revealed to be on the other end.]

Dr. Dooser: "We've had a slight mix-up with the X-rays. Apparently, Angelica's leg isn't broken after all. You can bring her down right away to remove the cast. I'm terribly sorry for the mistake."

[Dr. Dooser hangs up the phone.]

Dr. Dooser: "Mr. Peaches, I guess I owe you an apology, too."

[Antonio Peaches is revealed to be lying in a hospital bed next to Dr. Dooser, with his leg bent, and Angelica's folder at the end. Back at Tommy's house, Stu is curled up in a fetal position.]

Didi: "Stu, the hospital made a mistake. Angelica's fine! We can bring her down to take the cast off right away!"

[Stu cries hysterically.]

Didi: "Stu, what's the matter?"
Stu: "I'm just so happy!"

[Stu continues crying hysterically, and the doorbell rings. Didi answers the front door, and Drew is revealed to be on the other side.]

Didi: "Drew! What are you doing back so soon?"
Drew: "We had to come back. Charlotte had a little run-in with a kayak."
Didi: "You mean?"
Drew: "Broken leg."

[In the next scene, which takes place at Angelica's house, Charlotte presses the button on a wireless buzzer, which sounds a fire alarm-style horn throughout the house. She is on the phone with Jonathan.]

Charlotte: "Oh, it's just... you know, I-I can't get any cooperation around here. Hold on."

[Charlotte presses her buzzer twice.]

Charlotte: "Drew, Angelica, what's taking so long?"

[In the kitchen, Angelica is holding a plate as Drew, who is looking through the refrigerator, puts food from it onto the plate. Charlotte presses her buzzer three times.]

Angelica: "But Daddy, I want to do something fun!"

[Drew, who is now holding a wheel of cheese in one hand and a bunch of carrots in another, turns to face Angelica.]

Drew: "Look, Angelica, as long as Mommy is in her cast, we're gonna have to make her as comfortable as possible! Anything Mommy wants, Mommy gets! Understand?"

[Charlotte presses her buzzer twice.]

Charlotte (heard offscreen): "Drew, Angelica, I need you now!"
Drew: "Angelica, do you know how to make chocolate pudding?"

[The camera zooms in on Angelica's eye as Charlotte presses her buzzer repeatedly, until the screen is completely black with one long buzz, ending the episode.]

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