| Beauty Contest | Gallery | Transcript |
|---|
The title card.
Tommy riding his rocking horse
"Dag-burn Democrats."
"Hmmm. Little Miss Lovely Contest. First prize for the baby girl, a boatload of toys."
"And for the proud father, the Kingfisher 9000!"
"Too bad Tommy's not a girl."
Lou visualizes Tommy as a girl
"Hello, Stu."
"Hello, Pop."
"Hello, Pop."
"First prize!"
Tommy falls off his rocking horse
"How about this one?"
"Yeah, and check out this party dress! Goes great with the blonde wig, huh, Pop?"
"I don't think I look so good as a girl."
"Ah, it's no big deal, Tommy."
"Yeah, Phil and me trade places all the time."
"And nobody ever notices."
Lil takes off her bow
Phil puts on Lil's bow
"Oh, what's the matter with my beautiful baby girl?"
"Ah, girls seem to cry more than boys at this age."
"Oh, my big baby man."
"My country tears of thee,"
"That's tis of thee, Pumpkin."
"That's tis of thee, Pumpkin."
"Now, keep going, Muffin, but a little sweeter."
"Heh heh heh heh! I can taste those bug-eyed carp now!"
"Having fun, Goldilocks?"
"Just remember what I told you!"
"Well, since Grandpa and Stu took Tommy for the day, I had a little extra time on my hands."
"Little miss Angelica!"
"Angelica?! Th-that means Drew is here!"
"And smile and move, and smile and move!"
The judges are impressed with Angelica
"My country tears of thee,"
"Sweet land of Lizardy,"
"A bee I sing,"
"Let freedom r-i-i-i-ing!"
"And now, our final contestant, little miss Tanya!"
"That is the sweetest little girl I've ever seen."
Tommy gets 99-point scores from the judges
"Tanya Pickles?!"
Everyone gasps when Didi exposes "Tanya" as a boy
Angelica wins the contest
Didi and Stu gasp when they see Lou riding his new Kingfisher 9000
